Miss-adventures after another

The past three days have made me feel like I am living out of my body and watching it. An evening back, I took a local bus at around 11 after heroically stopping it by coming in front of it in an Alto. The driver looked like he wanted to crush my friend’s car when I came out of it and asked him to open the bus doors for me. He smiled and joked ‘aur mai soch raha tha yeh ladkiya pagal ho gayi kya?’ Once inside, I saw twenty odd men staring back at me. Construction workers, hotel waiters and and just one tiny man who wore glasses and had an English novel on his lap. I knew my impulsive decision could be very pricey thereafter. I put on my distressed girl act and went and sat next to the conductor, and often gave the novel guy half smiles, as if to tell him ‘we are similar, no?’ I don’t think he got my sense of security or sanity. I updated my status on facebook and realized none of my friends would be cool with what I had done once I updated it. Too late. Buddies started calling and bashing me for being THIS adventurous in Delhi.

That was then. Yesterday was worse. Working for a huge event at work, I was told by my news editor to help them with all the sessions for the Conclave. Just as my luck always is, I got Kashmir and Sarah Palin amongst my share of the sessions. Dealing with the maximum number of questions that came in, I struggled with the amazing English grammar of a million people of our country. It was a journey against time as we had none on our side.

Being from lifestyle, it was refreshing to see how the news editor trusted us with our language skills and not his own team. It was a savoury thought but for the fact that I didn’t have the time to enjoy it. The day turned into night and my buddy whose birthday it was kept calling to see if I had left for her party yet. Sadly, I said no each time she did, till it was 10:30pm. Finally a jalopy came to drop me home, as no party waited that long. Friends called up and made fun, I joined along. When your life is a joke, its best to join the laughter.

Early morning today, 5:45am, I get up and get ready for an early day at work. The Conclave starts today at 9am so every hand on desk by 8. I came out of the washroom to hear my phone buzzing madly. Colleague informed cabs wouldn’t be coming due to transporter rift and that we would have to fend for ourselves. Called up the sardarji taxi service guy and he greeted me with a loud ‘satsri aakal ji’. Yes. Told him the route to which he told me there would be two taxes and two tolls and the sum would be pretty huge if I agreed. When I asked questions in between, he kept saying, ‘aap samjh nahi rahe ji’. It was extremely pissing off to keep being told that THAT early in the morning.

Once in the cab with my other two seniors, I realized what a wasted life this was. Here were two older people, just as wasted. In five years, I would be them. Shuddered. The news editor said I should pay and take the reimbursement from the office. I was stunned at his lack of responsibility. The other guy, the Crab I mentioned once before started bitching in Bengali to me. I felt more at home.

Reached office and seeing more such disgruntled faces, made me feel better. Like I wasn’t alone. Switched on my computer and realized it was not working. Called Ram, the IT guy and told him, ‘Sirf wallpaper dikh raha hai boss, dekh ke jao.’ To which he came, looked at my screen and said, ‘Haan, acha wallpaper hai.’

That was when I laughed my ass off. Yes, I and my office had finally snapped due to overwork and had officially lost it.

Let the madness begin.

Spending the weekend, the right way.

Having a super tough time in life. But no, I shall not crib. Will talk about other things. Like how I watched the match with the girls in the pub and cheered, and how I went to the first marriage anniversary of a dear duo and realised, how distant in my head I have become. And how maal, mod and getting wasted is becoming a thing I am starting to question. And most importantly, how I watched some awesome movies, The Kids Are All Right, The King’s Speech and Taken.

The Kids Are.. is a fresh film on a lesbian couple and their kids. Kids, they have had by sharing the sperm of the same donor; and how that sperm donor comes into their life 18 years later, becoming a lot of things to a lot of people within the family. Almost a father to the daughter, a lover to the feminine lesbian (the girl in the relationship, that is) a smart dude to look upto for the son and a certain threat to the guy/father/ masculine partner in the lesbian duo. The performances are so beautifully fresh, one would be at a loss to miss this amazingly unique story.

My favourite scene is when Julianne Moore starts sleeping with Mark Ruffalo and realises she is very much a bisexual. ‘I am a lesbian having a mid life crisis,” is how she puts her predicament in words. Just hilarious.

The King’s Speech is, ofcourse an Oscar winner and rightly so. Colin Firth has nailed the Brit act way back, when he became Mr.Darcy.but he has outdone my expectations of him. As Nandu puts it, Hollywood has just too much talent. Sppech impediment is something I will never understand, having been tagged talkative in almost all circles. But it is traumatic and hugely so when a king deals with it. The teacher (Jeff Bridges) is already a legend, but somehow, he keeps getting better. I want to be like him in my career. Like old wine ;) and did I mention I have the hugest crush on Helena Bonham Carter? Yes, for the longest time now. Awesomeness.

Taken is an old movie, starring kick ass Liam Neeson. Asked him to switch it on and watch it with me, to my surprise, he sounded worried. After Legion and Underworld, he has grown wary of how my tastes have changed at such short notice. Told him I plan to not be cliched with what I do anymore, he was even more worried. He said it was better when I was chicken about these things. Lol.

So Neeson is this amazing dad who is a former CIA paramilitary officer who has extremely unique set of skills when it comes to dealing with criminals. He also has a daughter and an estranged wife who couldn’t take his profession well. He is crazy about his daughter and goes to ultimate lengths when she is kidnapped by slave traders in France. The dirt of the world just frightens me sometimes and adventurism just becomes a little too much hype than what it really is.

Okay, must finish fourth and last movie of the weekend, The Fighter, before Monday and cervicle dawns on me. Yet again.

Khub douracho

I had decided I will write plenty today. But I am strangely missing my train of thought right now. Absolutely don’t remember what it was I wanted to talk about.
Basically, more than a month has passed and I am hardly there. I know big plans await me (it’s a belief, its not based on facts) but I seem to have slowed down. More and more people have started counting on me, I feel they consider me as an adult now. Gulp.

Cousin T has changed boyfriends in a matter of a month and she expects me (out of the entire family) to understand. I, ofcourse understand how this heart works and how soon it changes it mind. Her ex was a workaholic and the new one is way more interesting, I think the young one needs a little fun right now, not stability from a professionally successful guy. I am with her on this, and am trying my best to be a cool Dee, so that the kiddo has atleast one person to confide in. You don’t need the teenagers to go completely quite these days, no?

The colleague with whom I go to work in the mornings lately isn’t a friend yet and I don’t think I will make him one. He is a strange mix of no-nonsense and yet funny. He is a tough taskmaster at work and people are a little wary of him. Hasn’t got married and don’t think he will. But in those 40 minutes, he shares. Tells me to rest, take a sabbatical and heal myself. He also lets me know what he feels about the traffic, the plastic munching cows and dogs, doctors and even his frustration at his work and seniors. So I understand this crab and yet not. I am still trying to.

On another note, was told by Him that everybody keeps asking for me and apparently, I am a hit amongst his friends. Well, if I had to deduce how I managed to score that much, I would say am a natural (not modest I know) and it doesn’t take much, I am easy on the eyes for most.

Mom has become a friend. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that our time is measured, or because things in the family are ever changing and this is the current wave. But nowadays, I explore the city with her. It keeps her happy and makes her feel I have time for her in between my very butterfly like social life.

The physio lady tells me the other day, “Khub douracho, tai eto koshto pacho. But thamleo je tumi khushi hobena. Ki je chao..”

Even I couldn’t have summed it so perfectly.

profoundity in unusual quarters

Half the story of love is the discovery of it as you put it behind you. And with that discovery comes the knowledge that your own journey is still incomplete. The maps have changed, the continents have shifted and the horizons are not the ones you remember. However, the road it still open and there is much to see, but only if you have the courage to see that the first step is always a departure.
-the storyteller's tale

A buddy read the book and found this brilliant life-altering quote. It has stayed on and I need to keep coming back to this from time to time in life..

atonement

It rains from deep in the night till morning, there is a silence within, life feels abrupt. Almost like art cinema, feel the tug at the seams nowadays. Everything is a blur, I multi-task and nothing makes sense. Dont remember the last time I was out the whole day, not looking at my watch, not worrying about getting back home, not thinking about getting better or sick, not thinking how he or she would take it if I could make it or could not.

This week, it is. Closure, there is none. But thats okay, life has never been clinical as far as matters of the heart are concerned.

I will survive, am almost happy. Hope its the same for you.

Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.
-Dirty Dancing

Udaan

Watched an amazing movie today, Udaan. I had partly watched it before but today, I watched it completely and maybe its the slightly cloudy weather outside and inside the film, but it has really made me all stirred up within.

You know how it feels when someone asks you what you want to do with your life? At 25, I get that a lot less now. I guess it has also got to do with my relationship status, I am supposedly at a very stable state of affairs. But I have never felt this confused in my entire life. Not only do I keep wondering 'where to' from here, I also wonder if I have already lost my dreams somewhere in the middle.

I must confess, I havent been a big dreamer ever. I have always been a confident kid and maybe because of that, I have felt the world is my oyster. So when as a kid, my friends would say they wanted to become an engineer (and they also became one) a doctor or a teacher, I would say I want to be a bus conductor because a)people trust him with the money, b) the money makes for a nice sound, clinking in the conductor's bag and c)we travel all day and meet new people.

Yes, that was foolish then and even now, I cant imagine how low on aspirations I was. Or maybe, I was on the right track. I still believe that those things are more important to me than fancy degrees. I know I have got one but still, feeling trusted, with some money in my pocket and getting to explore, that would be it. Even today.

How much of a right thing is it to pursue a dream seen by others for you? If I had a father like that, I'd be doing drugs by now. Yes, submitting to authority has never been a strong point and while watching the movie, the strong dislike for the same kept coming up so often. There were moments when I cried as I could not bear the heaviness of the situation or the pain of the protagonist. It made me want to get up and do something about it.

What also kept touching a chord was the small town feel of the movie. I have always said this, I am a wrong person to have been born and brought up in the capital. I havent really understood the very many flashy concepts of being a part of this world, and have been a popular misfit all my life. It has worked for me yes, but I have found my best mates in small towners and have felt at home with them.

There is something about the absence-of-options-and-varieties in a small town that makes you a very basic, real sort of a person. What you see is what you get, it is a relief to be around such people. I sometimes feel that could border on drab but mostly, the pace and the peace appeals to me hugely. Will never settle down in one, my ways are too spoilt for them, but when I see something like that, I sigh. Dont know why.

I have always yearned a brother, and at this point in life, it is safe to say I wont find one. No logic to that, I just know it. The bond between the two brothers was just so beautiful that it made me sad. The fact that they werent related by blood just went on to make one point very clear to me, life is all about love and you find it in the most unlikeliest of places. But when you do, just embrace it without thinking. You may get hurt later, but who cares for later when you experience something so strong in the now.

Have been spending some time with myself, have been very retrospective for a while now, maybe it has got to do with my current state and also, like I said in the beginning, how I am at crossroads in life, yet again. And while people think I have never been this settled, inside of me, I know for a fact how very unsettled I am. So many aspirations, and so many uncertainties.

And at a time like this, comes Udaan. Wanna fly away too..

Pairon ki bediyan khwabon ko baandhe nahi re, kabhi nahi re..
Kahani khatam hai ya shuruwaat hone ko hai,
Subah nayi hai yeh ya phir raat hone ko hai..

dirty fellow

We were on a funny topic the other day, about our quirks. When I said I absolutely love the way the insides of my pet's ears smell, the conversation pretty much went downhill from there. I wanted some sort of a confirmation so I asked Ma, and she stared at me and said I am 'going to the dogs'! Well, quite literally.

Yes I do love that doggy smell, I look for it when am back home from work, and I hope it stays on my sweater when am out. I feel heavenly in that dogginess. It makes me feel like my favourite person, a blanket, some hot chocolate and You've got mail on the telly, all put together in a moment. I live for that moment you know. It defines perfection, and while I achieve it sometimes, one of the four elements is almost always missing. So it hasn't been perfect yet. Only in my head.

So the doggy smell (in want of a better term) is what makes me feel, well, umm, truly Mrinalini.

Afterthought-No I am not crazy yet.