the need

Was told by a friend that he needs to find love again. I felt for him and at once, thought for myself. Was it the same for me too? Couldnt think of anything to say but just that "You need to start. Start with a stranger even. Just begin." He didnt want to believe it. I insisted, half knowing if that was what was needed. At night, he smsed saying, 'Opened up to a colleague, saw her for what she was, a pretty nice girl, we even made plans for coffee. Seems she was equally lonely at the workplace." Maybe, just maybe, love can be found. Just look anywhere, its the easiest to find and the most difficult to have. But its always there. Belonging to different people sometimes, an excess for you at times, in the form of your beloved pet most of the times, but life is just brimming with love. I am glad he asked me about his need to find love again. Because I feel I found mine again.

the laughing heart

your life is your life, don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. be on the watch. there are ways out. there is a light somewhere. it may not be much light but, it beats the darkness. be on the watch. the gods will offer you chances. know them. take them. you can’t beat death but, you can beat death in life, sometimes. and the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be. your life is your life. know it while you have it. you are marvelous, the gods wait to delight in you. -Charles Bukowski

Everyone is okay really.

I dont expect you to understand a single word I say. I dont because I know every person is selfish. Every person wants the best for himself, even at the cost of what is important. It is ok if you dont think about me when protecting your interests.

I am ok if you pretend to not be able to hear me. I know you can hear me, and I know you understand. Its just that saying it loud will hurt you. So you let me be.
I forgive you.

I dont need to sleep with someone, I just need to sleep.

saying goodbye the right way-1

God the tears are flowing freely. i cant tell you what this means to me. it means probably more than anything right now. my best friends are giving me farewell parties, i dont know what to acknowledge and what to cry about. i wish things were simple. i wish it was easy to forget. i wish the tears weren't so natural. and then, to remind myself that i had decided to be a shuturmurg. an ostrich that doesn't see what lies ahead. an ostrich that buries her head in the midst of an aandhi. the one who pretends aal iz well.

i am that ostrich. or at least i had wanted to be that ostrich. the feeling is strongly being overtaken by the same old me that cries, laughs and sometimes does both at the same time. its a shit feeling, trust you me. you can have a heartbreak, you can feel rejected, but leave your comfort zone and we will see how you take that. momma, poppa and the friends i made in these 26 years, the fear is, the void is easily filled. that is the fear.

i dont wanna sulk, i dont wanna cry but i am a helpless guy.
i am the human you see on the street. the one that cries and gets up on his feet.
the one that laughs and hugs a ton, the one that pretends all is well and then makes a run.
i am your ordinary man who cant take a goodbye. i am that miserable kid who fails and asks why.
i am the girl who will be what you please,
i am the one who will always need a lease.

this could have been easy, no?

26 is a number and i love maths

i sing a little prayer for me. to the best of life and to manage the worst. food, love, dogs, friends, you and me..26 *deep breath* is a number. its the number 8, it has to be the best.
you didn't just arrive, you are here to stay.
Happy Birthday!

Green means 'go' for the 'red'

so Didi won, and its a great feeling. to all those who really didnt want her at the helm, too bad. The lady has enough degrees to prove her worth, and her cotton sarees and loud voice cant be a justification of hating her. not when the so called bhodrolok is doing zilch for the state. and only a few of them are educated, rest are, umm, biman bose. irestmycase.

what stuns me is the support i see for the CPM party in the somewhat younger generation. people who have left the city, are doing well here, and are supporting the party back there anyway. the only logic being they cant support the uncouth Didi. i dont understand their mind or how it works or how they can be soo cynical, esp when they have nothing to show for their liking the old horses. but, i forgive them thinking they are the same people who live in delhi and badmouth it anyway. taam.

for me, what is real is that how 35 years back, a man came out of the city he was born in, the city he played football in, the city he called home. the same city where he decided to become a revolutionary, and the city that shunned him for it. of how he had to leave the city because the ruling party that taught story book communism, did actually not practise it. and what he believed in became what he was punished for.

it is the only real thing i know. the struggle, the nostalgia, the wanting to be back home but not being able to, to watch the city of joy become a tattered dream of yesterday, to live a frustrated life, to see your principles and political ethics cheat you in your very face, and to leave. all this for that one devil.

its good to win, it was time. anti people can wait and watch to throw the brickbrats. but, its a new dawn and one must hope.

where's that grip?

fact is, one shouldn't care. it shouldn't hurt this much. the mind should not stop at odd hours like that. getting all numb in the middle of a busy street is very inconvenient.

one must put the mask on at all times. you let go just that once, and your show is over.

pretty up girl. dazzle that stupid crowd.