What if?

Totally in the mood for it Ingrid :)

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?

when you want to .

Have had a very tiring day, not the physical kinds, that happens all the time. The mentally tiring ones. There is so much to show, to do, it sort of weighs you down at times. There are responsibilities and things expected. Of course you deliver, but what if you just put up your legs on the sofa, lie down with a bowl of ice cream over your tummy and say ‘sorry man, shop closed, the buck stops here!’

Cant I really do this at least once in life? Ya, I could do it once I stop working or become a homebody etc, but no, doing so on a randomly busy day would be more like it.

I am getting used to being rebellious, this scares me. Nobody likes it much, I have been told. But it hurts to be any other way. Its good being me, even though it hurts you.

I know there will soon come a time when I shall be hurting over something the universe will have done, but till then, I can pretend to be having a good time, hanging on there.

i get it. i always did.

there were two things that she held dear, the way she loved her long black hair, and the way she felt nothing when she cut them off.
-500 days of Summer

Rain rain, come again, everyday.

Have been having the quietest and nicest week ever. It’s been raining constantly and the new job is hectic, by the time I get up for tea, it’s almost 5, so cant complain about long work hours, especially when the hours are passing me by without me knowing it.

Come back home very late and go nowhere. Yes, the absolutely outdoorsy me (when Ma leaves for Kolkata, that is) has decided to camp in. I take a bath, wear my daddy’s big warm clothes, eat my hot dinner with Gucci gulping down the stuff I throw at him and finally watch endless TV.

Watched Alex and Emma, 10 Things I hate about you and A Good woman in the last three days. The first movie is so rom-com (I cant get enough of those) while the second one is very teenage-y, guess I am moving out of that genre for good now. The last movie is very British, very suave, I love the humor and the one liners, can so relate.


Also, have discovered The Simpsons. All my life, I wondered what the big deal about this cartoon was, and have finally understood. It is mad humor, so vague and so cool. Guess, TV is the best invention after all. I have found once again, that while I am a social animal, I can also hibernate quite comfortably, thank you.

There is a thing or two I have learnt about friendships. While friends are good to have and would trade them for absolutely nothing in the world, they also bruise you sometimes. From the unlikeliest quarters, you get to feel hurt you never thought existed, and there is no way out of this dilemma, because you weren’t really expecting it. You weren’t prepared. Mindless days and hours later, you still wonder…

Rains are a good thing, they make me want to write, they make me want to do some poetry, and they even make me hopeful about relationships and ‘forever after’.

Getting to me!

It's been a while since I have been feeling this way. Of course, it relates to things real and fictional. There is never a sure way to know. There are times when the feeling overpowers me, it tells me this way is better, but then, there is always the pull. The stronger, sharper and the more amazing pull. The other one, the temporary fixation, looks more real, but so does everything that comes with a temptation. But what is the temptation here?

Just a familiarity that comes from the language? Is that enough? All things glitter from a distance, and one should be a fool to think that would last forever. There are too many insecurities in this one human life, too many options, the platter is always too full (am I the only one complaining?) mostly you have no peace. Nowhere, ever. And maybe that is the part that makes you feel alive, wanted and there in the middle of everything. You want to be there, to feel the air on your face, to be the life of the party, accept it, you do.
But its all fleeting.

Two similar moments and this is what you know. The purity of emotions in one case is so strong and yet so subtle. Decades it was there, and yet you never felt its force.
In the second case, its recent, its new, its equally helpless and yet, its mocking in a manner that confuses you and questions your reality. Is it right or am I going all wrong?

Long life, will know soon.

the truth is..

You are very hot.
Hey thanks.
No seriously, I have got to see you more often.
Umm, you are here for work, once its over, you have to leave, how can you keep seeing me more?
I dont know, tell me how. I think I am attracted to you as hell.
Ok leave now. You are complicating things, you said your girlfriend will be dropping by to join you. so, go.
I will come back. I will have to. Promise me you will meet.

bell rings*

Hi, oh you have a lovely collection here. No wonder he chose you to do his project.
Thanks a ton, he is a good client.
Yes, yes, everyone says that. Its good to work with him, I have been told. So honey, lets move now?
Umm, yeah lets.
He turns back one last time, rushes to her and tells her slowly, 'I will come back. you have to see me.'
Your girl is here. Go away. Am not a thief.
But I need to kiss you, I will come back.

They leave.

You think she will do a good job? You need awesome pr this time.
She is brilliant. Will do well am sure.
So you want to go back sometime and check on her progress?
What? Why? She knows her work.
I dont know, maybe you should go back..see how its comin up, know for sure you want her..
Excuse me?
I mean, know for sure if you want her in this project. You must know.

People know. They always do. You think you are smart, but one can always tell. It catches you unawares, and you do take the bait. But little do you realise, somebody always knows. And eventually, there is hurt all around you.

ARGENTINA or GERMANY? Both :)

So Argentina lost. And the trouble is, it lost to Germany. My two favorite teams. There is no telling how good or bad I feel. The day Germany was thrashing England, I was rejoicing, dancing along with other german fans at Flames. Little did I know that they would face Argentina in the quarter finals. Once again after 2006, they faced each other and once again, Germany won. Literally thrashed, butchered, routed Argentina. I am sad, infact my heart goes out to Maradona, Messi. But strangely, in an hour’s time, I feel happy. For Germany. If the gemini state of mind was something I always believed in, today, I would vouch for it. I love the clinical, almost shrewd manner of the germans. Blame me if you want.

Life is at a crossroads. I put in my papers yesterday. My hands shook while clicking on ‘sent’. At the back of my mind, something told me ‘there is no looking back from here’. The place I will go to, will be new and ruthless in its own usual way. Nobody is kind to a newbie. I will have to make a mark, be awesome in my job. Have to be ‘a somebody’, all in a few months. Need holidays in a few months, and then some more. But I have to join this place, I have to be good at my job and I have to ask for leaves. Most importantly, I have to be fit enough for all of this. Shifts, no Saturdays and Sundays sound as scary to me as living alone in a city. And yet, in the last few months, desperation drove me to accept all these things. With a little money and a profile that sounds good in my head, I have accepted a new spice in my life. Have to taste dishes made of this spice and have to say its good, because its something I chose. Just hope it is not as real as I am thinking it will be. I hope it is fun and beautiful in its reality.

In this year, too much is happening, much more will happen. Don’t know how much I am ready for. Fact is, I am hardly ready. Friends wise, I am stagnant. Workwise, I am moving ahead. Personally, I am more or less at the same place. Financially, I am moving ahead but so are the expectations of me.
Had always hoped to be a free bird, don’t know how much of a restriction my new life will put on me. I should work things out, see the better in everything, and be a free bird anyway.

Just like when Argentina loses, I should always be able to feel happy for Germany.