the wait

She waited outside the coffee shop for fifteen minutes, already regretting her decision to have come. She was cursing herself for the care she had taken to look nice today. A crisp mauve shirt with jeans. Her hair fell straight and silky. She had lined her eyes with kohl just the way he loved them. Used to love them. Well, she didn’t know anymore.

Clutching her bag, feeling downright stupid, humiliation now took over her being. He had changed his mind after asking her to come. He had always known that he wouldn’t come. He had done this just for a kick. That stung. Of all things, it shouldn’t be the last logic, she prayed to God silently.

After half an hour, a car came towards the parking lot next to her and parked itself. She looked towards it, not really expecting him. She just wanted to look and pretend busy for the ultimate five minutes which she had given herself.

It was him. He hadnt changed except for the fact that he had gained a little weight and looked like life had happened to him. The usual. Work pressure, family, money and the jazz. They take over the best of faces. They had claimed him too.

He didn’t smile, but walked with an expression she didn’t quite understand. It had been years, she realised. She suddenly thought of how she must be looking and immediately straightened up and smiled just a little. Together, they entered the shop without a word.

I was about to leave you know. Thought you werent coming.

Actually, I almost wasn’t. just couldn’t make myself come. Realised things weren’t as settled as I thought they were within.

Oh, you should have just messaged then. I would have understood.

You would? Since when have you started understanding what I feel?

Wow, rubbing it even now? How do you manage to?

You know, today when I was coming to meet you, she asked me where I was headed. I just couldn’t think of anything to say.

So, what did you say?

Meeting a friend. She believed me. I know it isn’t very far from the truth now, but still.

Yes, I don’t think we are friends. But we are connected. Still.

Don’t say that. I don’t want to be.

But I do. I like it. Somewhere within, we are still back there somewhere.

He looked deeply into her eyes and suddenly turned away.

You know what, lets go. I will drop you somewhere. I thought I was ready for this. But I am not. Call me a weak person again if you like.

Hey, please don't say that. And you are right. I will go myself, no worries. You take care.

Hmmm, you too. He got up first and headed to his car.

She kept sitting, blowing into the steam of her black coffee. Maybe he had felt the exact same way she had, like a rush from back then. Maybe he couldn’t bear to sit here with her anymore. Or maybe, he still loved her kohl lined eyes.

Getting to me!

It's been a while since I have been feeling this way. Of course, it relates to things real and fictional. There is never a sure way to know. There are times when the feeling overpowers me, it tells me this way is better, but then, there is always the pull. The stronger, sharper and the more amazing pull. The other one, the temporary fixation, looks more real, but so does everything that comes with a temptation. But what is the temptation here?

Just a familiarity that comes from the language? Is that enough? All things glitter from a distance, and one should be a fool to think that would last forever. There are too many insecurities in this one human life, too many options, the platter is always too full (am I the only one complaining?) mostly you have no peace. Nowhere, ever. And maybe that is the part that makes you feel alive, wanted and there in the middle of everything. You want to be there, to feel the air on your face, to be the life of the party, accept it, you do.
But its all fleeting.

Two similar moments and this is what you know. The purity of emotions in one case is so strong and yet so subtle. Decades it was there, and yet you never felt its force.
In the second case, its recent, its new, its equally helpless and yet, its mocking in a manner that confuses you and questions your reality. Is it right or am I going all wrong?

Long life, will know soon.