Sleepy conversations!

Do you miss me?
No, I don’t. Duffer I miss you every freaking moment.
Then why on earth did we do what we did?
I guess we were acting smart, doing things to prove that there is more to us than just ‘us’.
And now we know that there isn’t?
Nope, now we know there is. Just that ‘us’ is the way we go about the rest of the things.
Hmm, interesting..
Ice tea?
Yes, I will make. You wait.
And how do you think I will have it?
Hmm, I suggest you come back just for the tea. Life can wait till morning.
Sigh, yes. By the way, I think I will come back. This just doesn’t feel right.
Really? Then you must!
Do you think we are taking a random decision, once again?
Yes, I think so. But what the heck! We are young, lets keep taking such decisions.
Then let me make a plan and come back. Then we will work out the rest of the things.
Yipee! I am letting you do something so foolish, but somehow, its not making me guilty at all!
Yes, we are behaving so OOC lately..
OOC?
Out of Character!
Hehehe, yes..why do you think we are?
Love, maybe?
Definitely!
Goodnight.
Night.

Surviving loneliness...

You know you realize certain things when they happen to you. Well, in the past few months, I have found out something for myself, much to my sadness. I cannot survive alone. Ya, I can hear some saintly creatures laugh out loud in their self confident manner and also some very independent women I know smirking. But that’s that.

And its not like I haven’t tried. I really have. Mom’s illness has made Dad be in the hospital for more than once and I have happily volunteered to take care of the house, promising a running household while the folks were away.

While 11pm came smoothly enough, it took a lot of courage to last till 12am. It was especially painful keeping a look out at the door for ghosts (who had nothing better to do than lurk in my house) around 2am when the eyes wanted to sleep or be donated to science. But I didn’t budge from my look out position on the couch. You see, our couch is strategically placed, it has a view of every other angle of the house, while your back is against a wall. So no chance of a ghost coming from behind. Perfect.

Managing to survive a night alone is all about strategy, especially if you are a chicken. You have to run all your errands on time, finish food, place your pet within an inch’s radius, and make your bed before you get paralysed by fear to go into other rooms in the house. Also, it is ideal if you finish your loo issues for good before retiring, and yes, do not have more water later into the night.

Tata sky is an absolute help on such days, they have an Active Darshan channel that has Sai baba from Shirdi, Siddhivinayak Ganeshji from Mumbai, Krishna from ISKCON and a God from South India whose name ends with ‘eshwar’ always live on your screen. And there are matching bhajans going on each screen, so the ghosts mainly stay at bay.

Watching movies is a good thing, but I have realized that every time I have been left alone at night, the movies coming on tv are inevitably of the creepy variety (Jaws, Psycho and some horror ones I refuse to name) That only makes living to see another day more difficult.

I make plans in my head of inviting friends for night stays, for maggi meals at home, of endless movie watching, of ordering Chinese, but well, most of the days in a week are weekdays (read dumb, I know) and people don’t really manage to participate in such plans, especially when they have work next day. So, its just me again. And my strategies, of course.

If at all, I do fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning, I am rudely awakened by the garbage man whose aim in life is to ask for kuda in the crassest voice in the earliest of hours, making it a great day to look ahead to.

So, I am awake by 6 in the morning with an hour more to go for getting up, and not knowing what to do. That is when I notice the cutest furball on earth, still lying there beside you, sleeping and snoring softly, peaceful and irrespective of the havoc created by the ghosts in my head at night.


When I pick him up and cuddle him into my covers and fall into a little nap till my alarm rings, that is the sleep fit for kings. That is one of the most beautiful things on earth.
That makes these nights worth it.

Loneliness is painful for those who don’t have a dog, I guess..

!!

And sometimes you simply need your sister around!

Life, Humbug!

Of hot days and depressing nights!

Had thought will update this blog everyday. Had even thought of calling it my journal (yea I know it sounds very Anne Frank, but well that’s how it works here!) but look how lazy I get. I see so many interesting people everyday and I just don’t end up writing about them. Shame on me.

Well, things have been very hectic lately. Gucci has fallen sick again and I rue the day I fell for his puppy eyes and gave him corn to eat. Its been 6 months and Gods don’t seem to be too kind to him. Of course, he heals in time, but now I live in a constant fear of you know what (cant even write it. Am shit scared.) He is a headstrong dog and he proves it time and again, but cant he just be silly and happy now? I am tired and sad about how he constantly struggles..The medicines, the madness at home is just, well..draining me.

Also, am going to Kolkata right before my birthday (no matter how sad it sounds :p ) for the simple reason that I dont want to be here all by myself. Nobody will be around, so it’s a strange orphan feeling that I want to escape. Will have a fun time with cousins and N. Or so I am hoping.

Like I always keep telling Anjali, I live on hope. Not because its cheesily optimistic, but because it is so much better in my head when I imagine things to be happy and lively, minus the hard realities of everyday. Of course, some dreams and hopeful stuff I think of are pure fantasy, but its ok. Even if they won’t happen, I wont be losing out on much. Because I will have in my head things-that-could-have-been. And that is way better than having known the mundane reality instead.

For instance, till yesterday, we didn’t have tickets for our trip. And while the whole system faltered, people thugged us by not refunding tickets that weren’t booked properly, and the family was basically in chaos, I always knew we would manage. I keep thinking we will manage. Since eternity, I live like this. Wonder if its foolish…But works for me..

Have been wishing for rain for so long now, have even written fiction about it, but nothing seems to be working. The heat makes me angrier than when KKR lost matches. This season just doesn’t seem to get better. Now that we have come to ‘my month’ hopefully things will change.

Starting with the weather.

Not just yet!

The song that played on the TV was from Dire Straits. So far away from me, so far I just cant see…She wondered why she had come to help him pack when she absolutely didn’t want him to go. Infact, the song just drove the point home. It was like begging her to react to the news.

Everybody had been asking her about how it felt to be on her own, without him in the city. She was trying to think up of answers, to sound politically correct or atleast honest. But she would give the vaguest answers like, ‘Well, one must do what one must do, its his dream, he must pursue it..’ and thought she had a winning statement.

But today was different. He indeed was leaving in the evening. And Dire Straits didn’t really help. Within a few seconds, tears rolled down her face and she knew this was the reaction people were expecting. Sniffing, she pretended to watch TV deeply when he came to the room and said, ‘Hey am almost done! But just cant find my charger..Help na..’

She didn’t answer.

‘Arre, whats up yaar? You came to help me pack? Now get up and look for…are you crying? Shit..’

He rushed to her and sat facing her. She sobbed heavily now and he kept asking her why she was crying (As if he didn’t really know). She now started crying and talking at the same time and told him how life was unfair, how being strong and letting him go was the stupidest thing ever, how she would leave the city and look for a job elsewhere just so that she could get back at people who left her…

‘You don’t want me to go today? Or anyday?’ he asked her in a voice that was almost like a man giving candy to a pre schooler.

She wondered. Go, he must. People shouldn’t be asked to stay just so that you are happy, people should live their dreams even if they may fail, there should be the knowing that they atleast tried. Life should not have regrets. We live just once and we must follow our passion. He had to pursue his, and as his lover, she was supposed to understand.

‘No you leave today. I had to end up crying I guess. Thought could handle it, but apparently, I cant. So go..’

He kissed her and got up to make a call. Came back and said, ‘Ok am not going today. Another week! And I will do it every time your nose runs like that when you cry!'

She was now smiling through her tears. He wanted to conquer the world, but as of now, things could wait. The world was here, in this moment..

A letter to the Vodka God!

Dear Mr. Smirnoff,
I am writing this letter to you after deep thought (and after feeling steadier since all that merry making). In the past, there have been other moments when I have thought of communicating all these things I feel with you, but at no time has the urge been so very much.
Actually, the main reason I wanted to write to you was for congratulating you for making such a wonderful thing as your branded vodka. I need to tell you that other than love, vodka is the only other thing that makes me feel this way. There are a few things I have realized while partying last Saturday with some of my friends and your fine drinks.

Yes, a dazzling, glazed effect takes place. Without an effort, I can tell the jerk he is a jerk and tell the cute guy that he is cute. Also, a slur develops, hence no words come out as words. They are all songs. I can sing, ‘I want to eeeeeat now..’ and everyone scampers to get the poor damsel a plate.
The mechanics of the body do not remain linear. Cant walk straight for the life of me. However, walking haphazard is fun too. You can dance with everyone because you cant stay in one place too long! Just that I hate the part when I ride on someone’s foot or vice versa!
There is this happiness. I don’t know where it comes from. It possibly couldn’t be because of things happening in my life because they are, well, just too real, if you know what I mean..So this happiness is almost surreal, out of the world. I even smile at people I hate..
The foodie even forgets about food…I can stay for long hours without eating, just keep bringing the drinks..
You even cry..You tend to get over emotional and cry when you try to speak of things that hold meaning in your life…You cry for friendships lost, you cry for love lost, you basically cry for everything remotely hurting you…
When I get back home, I feel like having gallons of water, I feel totally parched and rummaging through the fridge for cold water only makes my parents more suspicious..They wonder if the swagger and the thirst for plain water add up to something fishy..But I tell them clearly, ‘I am not drunk if that’s what you are thinking Dad!’
Sleepless nights. I just don’t seem to get a good sleep thereafter, the night becomes one big cassette that keeps rewinding and forwarding the entire time I was partying and being merry. Who said you sleep like a log when you are drunk??
Hunger strikes around 3am on an average. And on that given moment, I can get up and look for food even without my glasses! Talk about superpowers! So ya, Mr. Smirnoff, your drink is almost like amrit in this regard…However, cant get the right food or eat, as my folks (esp my imsomniac Ma) will find it just a wee bit suspicious..again.
The next day is what you call a ‘passing phase’…this day was created so that people like us can get back to their two feet, and start feeling worthy of doing other things like watching TV, sharing normal conversations with the family etc..This day is best suited to be a Sunday…Also, friends start calling, from the noon time though, to tell you things you did last night, to share the humiliation with you..You feel no shame with these friends, cos they are in it with you…

In all, Mr.Smirnoff, life is a whole deal better for the beverage you produce. If it wasn’t for vodka, we would just be slaves working in huge companies and living lives of the plainest kinds..You bring forth our animality and creativity, which stay subdued otherwise…I thank you, and I promise you to carry on with the tradition of livening things up everytime I am in the company of like minded friends and your fine vodka.

Love,
High spirited girl :)

Laziness is thy name!

Mintu has gone to the North-East to spend a blissful week with folks. She will be getting me tons of hilly dog pictures, and apparently momos too (but I doubt I will be having them, incase she is not kidding about getting such a perishable item from so far)So I am all on my own in the office. Not totally alone, there is Sing Song but I am really better off.

So many things I plan out for the weekend, but end up doing just about one fourth of all that. I am a shame in the name of the once OCD freak that I was. Used to place things in neat angles, and wash hands after I spoke to someone I didn't like. Now, I pretend it’s alright in any case and go about life. And the one that suffers is me own self. While objects and material possessions are still taken good care of, I am not doing a lot of things I should be actually. Meeting up friends is the worst hit in the schedule.

When the weekend approaches, I am raring to go with twenty plans in my head. I want to meet each and every friend of mine. Come Saturday and Sunday, and I end up doing chores at home and then watching a new movie from my pen drive. Then watching IPL also is quite an addiction, Lalit Modi, you really shouldn't have.. and finally surrendering to the Monday that lies ahead. Oh why!? Why do I don't go out and revel in the outside sun a bit? Why don't I meet up friends (who will soon be called ex-friends if I don't buck up) What is it that makes me so bloody laid back!? Ofcourse, there is work at home lately and I cant complain about that, but what there after?

I need to jot down points in favour of and against my laziness. Argh!
In favor:
I get to while away time
Time with Gucci at home
No physical work
No heat or dust or dreaded public transport
Less temptations regarding food
TV!!

Against:
A lot of malls have opened
Friends buy new stuff (and I don't)
You get momos outside only!
Might have no friends left soon!

So yeah, it seems balanced as of now..Will have to delve deeper to get my priorities further straightened up..As of now, the scales seem fine..
Its time for another weekend..tsk tsk..