the way things came to be..

Dear ex-boyfriend,
Wanted to inform you that the last of our friends have decided to tie the knot. With M and G coming together, the group is now complete.

Ofcourse, the journey was full of surprises. I mean, C ended up not marrying anyone from the group, though he dated almost all the girls in it. Its funny how he almost was on the verge of desperation in the last party we attended together. He said, “Ab bas shaadi karni hai yaar, ab akele maza nahi aata.” Having said that, he chose someone who well, never mind. Lets just say its hardly a love marriage.

R dated the weird girl of CR Park for a while. Then he found someone better at work. But she was a non-Bong and typically, got married off before the Bong guy could commit. Now, he has found through common friends and facebook, what you call a catch. A junior of mine, I quite like her. And she is pretty.

Coming to M and G, you know how they came together; from dating different people within the group to finding each other. They both look the part of an alpha couple and I like the combined nature of the two, especially when we all get drunk. G will always be special for he is the only one I could lock horns with. Having reunited over Old Monk behind IIFT last year, we have found our place under the sun again. And I am very happy for the two.

All this is very surprising, no? I mean, five years back, in 2007, the scene was very different. And who of all people knew you and I would be this way? We both seemed ‘set for life’. I was told ‘is bande se zyada pagal koi nahi hoga’ and you were told ‘tu toh set ho gaya bhai’ by these friends of ours. Little did we know. We would give a hoot to the world and roam around free spiritedly on a Bullet, eat cheesecakes and watch every movie in town. We even discussed kid names, didn’t we? Funny how that didn’t turn up well. You had even got internet by the end. It really got important later on, you know.

That said, I don’t mind that older woman of yours, and you surely shouldn’t mind the epic one I decided to keep. It’s a pity I realized I could be the committed sorts, just not with you. But you are special. And on a day like this, when M and G are sharing laddoos and posting pictures on facebook with their respective mothers, I cant help but think of you. We both could have been there, clapping in glee for them. And maybe some more.

It’s a happy day. Lets soak ourselves in nostalgia and walk about misty eyed, shall we?

love, always.

what happens.

Hey, saw your facebook status update. Are you guys fighting again?
This time its for real.
Well, the updates seem more serious than all the last times put together. But cmon, you guys are breaking up on facebook all the time.
This one is of the serious kind. We really have ended things.
But what does that even mean with you two? I don’t get it anymore.
Ya, neither do we.
I didn’t mean that. I meant, what is it about your love that’s so complicated?
I guess it never was love. Just a lot of obsession about each other.
Hahaha. Sure seemed like that. But then you kept getting back together. One wonders.
No more. He calls it a mistake, I call it a weeping heart.
Ouch. That hurts. On your part.
Who is to say which hurts more?
Ok, you need to relax. Tomorrow morning, your statuses will be back to mushy crap.
I like your optimism but there is no possible way that’s going to happen.
But what happened?
What always happens. We woke up.

windy waffle love-1

It was yet another super windy day at Istanbul. But that had not deterred her from exploring and loving. Being more sensitive to cold than most people she knew, she struggled with the cold winds that thrashed the only part they could get, the face. Nonetheless, she braved it the whole day and had a dekko at the famous Topkapi palace, the best archaeology museum in the world and the creepy Basilica cistern, and by this time, it was raining too. Coming to Istanbul on a December week would not be great travel advice, but seeing the city when no one else has a beauty of its own.

Tired from the excursion, she warmed her feet by the heater and watched some more random language music on Viva TV and waited for him to get back. Tonight’s plan was to head to Ortakoy, a north western pretty village which boasts of a lovely pier. He came back and together they took the tram to Kabatas and then a bus to Ortakoy.

The village was scenic to say the least. Walking, not hand in hand but laughing and talking about the simplest things in life, the two lovers enjoyed each second of the windy night. She squealed at the sight of Gloria Jeans’ coffee shop but had a hookah from the local shop instead. He fell in love with the sea side coffee shop and pledged to come back, no matter how full he was after dinner.

A heady meal later, they walked towards the sea side coffee parlour but now they weren’t very sure about that last cup of tea. Maybe they couldn’t have it after all that food they had. His heart won over his head finally and they did sit right next to the splashing waves and had a typically strong Turkish cup of tea in the surreal coffee shop. She was ecstatic because yet another cat of the city had warmed and cosied up to her, much to the frustration of the burqa clad women and their men right behind their table who had tried to win its affection for a while now. There was a Jack Black look alike who preferred to stare at her rather than in his coffee cup. They made jokes in hindi and tons of photos and crazy winds later, she decided to go to the lane that was selling her favourite, waffles.

That was the beginning of the typical end to a happy date between these two.

the wait

She waited outside the coffee shop for fifteen minutes, already regretting her decision to have come. She was cursing herself for the care she had taken to look nice today. A crisp mauve shirt with jeans. Her hair fell straight and silky. She had lined her eyes with kohl just the way he loved them. Used to love them. Well, she didn’t know anymore.

Clutching her bag, feeling downright stupid, humiliation now took over her being. He had changed his mind after asking her to come. He had always known that he wouldn’t come. He had done this just for a kick. That stung. Of all things, it shouldn’t be the last logic, she prayed to God silently.

After half an hour, a car came towards the parking lot next to her and parked itself. She looked towards it, not really expecting him. She just wanted to look and pretend busy for the ultimate five minutes which she had given herself.

It was him. He hadnt changed except for the fact that he had gained a little weight and looked like life had happened to him. The usual. Work pressure, family, money and the jazz. They take over the best of faces. They had claimed him too.

He didn’t smile, but walked with an expression she didn’t quite understand. It had been years, she realised. She suddenly thought of how she must be looking and immediately straightened up and smiled just a little. Together, they entered the shop without a word.

I was about to leave you know. Thought you werent coming.

Actually, I almost wasn’t. just couldn’t make myself come. Realised things weren’t as settled as I thought they were within.

Oh, you should have just messaged then. I would have understood.

You would? Since when have you started understanding what I feel?

Wow, rubbing it even now? How do you manage to?

You know, today when I was coming to meet you, she asked me where I was headed. I just couldn’t think of anything to say.

So, what did you say?

Meeting a friend. She believed me. I know it isn’t very far from the truth now, but still.

Yes, I don’t think we are friends. But we are connected. Still.

Don’t say that. I don’t want to be.

But I do. I like it. Somewhere within, we are still back there somewhere.

He looked deeply into her eyes and suddenly turned away.

You know what, lets go. I will drop you somewhere. I thought I was ready for this. But I am not. Call me a weak person again if you like.

Hey, please don't say that. And you are right. I will go myself, no worries. You take care.

Hmmm, you too. He got up first and headed to his car.

She kept sitting, blowing into the steam of her black coffee. Maybe he had felt the exact same way she had, like a rush from back then. Maybe he couldn’t bear to sit here with her anymore. Or maybe, he still loved her kohl lined eyes.

getting younger

He looked up at her at times while reading the story. It was his favourite and he had read it a hundred times, just to be perfect when he had to read it out to her.

"Bah humbug!" said Scrooge.
What do you understand from this line? That he really was a very khadoos man, not lovable at all, she explained.

He nodded and smiled at her funny translations and explanations. There was something that was so cute about her. Dressed in her pink pyajamas and a big blue sweater (maybe her dad's) her glasses would keep sliding low every other minute. The best thing about her was her smile. A big smile that warmed up his heart. He waited for this hour to come every week. And it went past him too soon.

He read a funny part and she explained again, with her quirky examples, and boy, she had many of those. It seemed her life was full of fun things she had done. Or maybe it was just another life told extraordinarily. The way she said it, it made him want to be a part of her school, her college, her evenings.

Hey, if you get above 80, we will go out then! Have awesome burgers and then ice cream at Baskin Robbins, ok?
Is that a promise?
Ofcourse, and if you get 90...umm then..
Then will you watch a movie with me?
With you? I mean, are you allowed to? Ofcourse I will kiddo :)
Hey, no kiddo! and yes I am allowed. You have made a promise, ok? You cant back out now.
Hahahahah true, you are too tall to be a kiddo, you tower over me! But yeah, its a deal!
We will call it a date, ok?
She laughed loudly, as if scattering the whole room with these christmassy baubles. He couldnt stop staring at her, almost foolishly.
A date? Right! We will call it a date. Just dont let your mom know you took your teacher out on a date!

He smiled and looked down, realising it was weird and funny and well, he couldn't explain.

He felt love. Or was it a crush like his best friend told him.
"Buddhu, she is older to you, and your teacher! Think of Ishika, she really likes you man."
But Ishika was so dumb. She would smile during math tuition, and smile at everyone. What was so exclusive about that?

She was different. She was older, she loved him like a baby, and she gave him her full attention. She smiled at him and encouraged him about his after class 12th dreams unlike anyone else. She was what made his heart flutter.

Mom wont mind, but you have promised, so no saying No after i get a 90?
Ok I promise. And I am very happy for you already! A 90!

She stood at the door reminding him of the homework he had to finish, while he tied his laces and got up to leave. One last look at her and with a victorious grin, down the stairs he went.

If only the next Wednesday would come sooner. And that bloody 90.

Also love?

She went into the shower the first thing. A hot, hot bath would do her good, yes. As soon as the slightly steaming water touched her tense shoulders, she relaxed. Almost loosened up. It couldn’t be that bad, she started to tell herself. So he was being unreasonable. He wasn’t liking her hanging out with so many of her guy friends, especially one of them, and that made her angry. It was fine really, weren’t they engaged? Was he really supposed to be upset?

No, he wasn’t upset, he was just being very monosyllablic about it. Yes, okay, you could do that, or you could just laze at home…were his exact words..

Why? Why should she laze at home? She had a tough week, fighting it out with mad bosses, shitty deadlines and work, well, never mind the work. Out of all this, which part was entertainment? And why couldn’t it be the way she wanted it to be..a stroll, a drive, a smoke, a movie, thoughtful conversations with a friend, all this was fine…should have been fine..to him as well..why was he being difficult?

The water made her sleepy, her bones were definitely tired. She wondered how undone would she be by her forties…sigh..

Drying herself and wearing her sweats and a jacket, she decided to call him up and ask anyway. But the phone beeped before she could reach it. The message read, ‘shona je t’aime’


And she was undone again. It wasn’t fair. Suddenly she forgot her resolve. Maybe she was being unreasonable as well. He lived far away and the fact that she was making new friends obviously unsettled him. So she could take it easy. Atleast for him.
Sigh. Of all things in the world, it was love that startled her the most. And beckoned to her the most.

She curled up in her blanket and began a long and warm conversation with him...

What's age gotta do with it?!

There was a time when I was super young. Like, really, literally young. If I ever fell in love with a sitcom actor (which I repeatedly did) I would imdb about him and wow I could see his date of birth and it was almost always four to seven years older than I was. And there on, I could dream about him. Happily.

Cut to now. Everytime I now try to imdb a new actor I like (for instance, the Twilight actors) they are always two to three years younger! And I lose my fantasy filled frenzy just like a glass of not-had Pepsi. The worst happened when this very cute actor I looked for turned out to be a 1992 born!!!! I mean, come on, who is born in the 90s?! sigh.

I have come to the conclusion that I will not imdb anymore. I didn’t realize at what point of time in life did I leave the cute cradle behind and became the cradle snatcher instead . Tcha!

Human spirit in all its glory!

A lot of good things have happened over the few months and I am smiling. However, with all the good things in life, also come the retrospective things. Those which remind you of who you are, of what things could be, of how one should be.

My didi had a baby this month and is staying with us. So it became important that my pet Gucci left for some other place for the time being. We couldn’t find many takers because Gucci isn’t keeping well and needs medicines twice a day. The kennels are freaking expensive, to say nothing of the fact that I will be shit worried keeping him with a bunch of strangers.

So yeah, after seeing our plight, our house help came to the rescue. She loves Gucci and volunteered to keep him for a few months at her own place. She lives in Govindpuri (theres a cool little jhuggi down there) and I asked her if I could come see him sometimes. She happily agreed.

Yesterday, I was told Gucci refused to eat twice and my alarm went off. In the evening I rushed with my maid to her place, only to be told that while she was at our place, she kept Gucci at her mamaji’s house, which was only two doors away. So we crept up in thin alleys, crossed open drains, walked over two cats’ tails due to the darkness and finally leapt up a steep set of stairs where she knocked on a small chipped green door. And Gucci’s barks bellowed from inside. After two minutes, a much hassled mamiji opened the door and the sight my eyes met with, is probably life changing.

The room was as big as a Maruti 800 car’s interiors. More than half of the room had a high wooden bed that had a lot of space under it. That is where they kept all their clothes, utensils, paper, odd objects etc. Next to the door was a small gas, and in one of the gas corners, Gucci’s leash was tied. On the bed sat a tall lanky boy and a tall girl, the kids of the family I am guessing.

It was amazing. There lived four people inside this mousehole. And they cared enough to take a dog with them! To feed him, to give him medicines, to take care of him the whole day. If Gucci went wild with happiness, he could rip that room apart in just five seconds. And yet, this family laughed, told me tales about what Gucci was upto lately and also made a sad face when I told them I will take him home by the end of the year.

I had gone to meet Gucci cursing my luck for keeping him apart, for having to entrust him on people who are, least said, not doing so well themselves. And if I may add, I was upset for having to keep him at my maid’s place.

But all that vanished when I left that place. I was instead overcome by how great the human spirit can be, if the heart is in the right place. I realized Gucci couldn’t have been more loved than this. A family low on rice and roti was sharing theirs with him. Ofcourse I gave some money to them for his weekly kharcha, but that didn’t add an ich to what they were doing for me in return.

I sort of sat in between, very close to everything that was on the floor including the kids who were now standing instead of being on the bed. I cuddled Gucci for a while and they looked very anxiously at me for a reaction. I only gave them grateful smiles. Because they deserved that. And God knows, so much more than that.

Sleepy conversations!

Do you miss me?
No, I don’t. Duffer I miss you every freaking moment.
Then why on earth did we do what we did?
I guess we were acting smart, doing things to prove that there is more to us than just ‘us’.
And now we know that there isn’t?
Nope, now we know there is. Just that ‘us’ is the way we go about the rest of the things.
Hmm, interesting..
Ice tea?
Yes, I will make. You wait.
And how do you think I will have it?
Hmm, I suggest you come back just for the tea. Life can wait till morning.
Sigh, yes. By the way, I think I will come back. This just doesn’t feel right.
Really? Then you must!
Do you think we are taking a random decision, once again?
Yes, I think so. But what the heck! We are young, lets keep taking such decisions.
Then let me make a plan and come back. Then we will work out the rest of the things.
Yipee! I am letting you do something so foolish, but somehow, its not making me guilty at all!
Yes, we are behaving so OOC lately..
OOC?
Out of Character!
Hehehe, yes..why do you think we are?
Love, maybe?
Definitely!
Goodnight.
Night.

!!

And sometimes you simply need your sister around!

Life, Humbug!

A letter to the Vodka God!

Dear Mr. Smirnoff,
I am writing this letter to you after deep thought (and after feeling steadier since all that merry making). In the past, there have been other moments when I have thought of communicating all these things I feel with you, but at no time has the urge been so very much.
Actually, the main reason I wanted to write to you was for congratulating you for making such a wonderful thing as your branded vodka. I need to tell you that other than love, vodka is the only other thing that makes me feel this way. There are a few things I have realized while partying last Saturday with some of my friends and your fine drinks.

Yes, a dazzling, glazed effect takes place. Without an effort, I can tell the jerk he is a jerk and tell the cute guy that he is cute. Also, a slur develops, hence no words come out as words. They are all songs. I can sing, ‘I want to eeeeeat now..’ and everyone scampers to get the poor damsel a plate.
The mechanics of the body do not remain linear. Cant walk straight for the life of me. However, walking haphazard is fun too. You can dance with everyone because you cant stay in one place too long! Just that I hate the part when I ride on someone’s foot or vice versa!
There is this happiness. I don’t know where it comes from. It possibly couldn’t be because of things happening in my life because they are, well, just too real, if you know what I mean..So this happiness is almost surreal, out of the world. I even smile at people I hate..
The foodie even forgets about food…I can stay for long hours without eating, just keep bringing the drinks..
You even cry..You tend to get over emotional and cry when you try to speak of things that hold meaning in your life…You cry for friendships lost, you cry for love lost, you basically cry for everything remotely hurting you…
When I get back home, I feel like having gallons of water, I feel totally parched and rummaging through the fridge for cold water only makes my parents more suspicious..They wonder if the swagger and the thirst for plain water add up to something fishy..But I tell them clearly, ‘I am not drunk if that’s what you are thinking Dad!’
Sleepless nights. I just don’t seem to get a good sleep thereafter, the night becomes one big cassette that keeps rewinding and forwarding the entire time I was partying and being merry. Who said you sleep like a log when you are drunk??
Hunger strikes around 3am on an average. And on that given moment, I can get up and look for food even without my glasses! Talk about superpowers! So ya, Mr. Smirnoff, your drink is almost like amrit in this regard…However, cant get the right food or eat, as my folks (esp my imsomniac Ma) will find it just a wee bit suspicious..again.
The next day is what you call a ‘passing phase’…this day was created so that people like us can get back to their two feet, and start feeling worthy of doing other things like watching TV, sharing normal conversations with the family etc..This day is best suited to be a Sunday…Also, friends start calling, from the noon time though, to tell you things you did last night, to share the humiliation with you..You feel no shame with these friends, cos they are in it with you…

In all, Mr.Smirnoff, life is a whole deal better for the beverage you produce. If it wasn’t for vodka, we would just be slaves working in huge companies and living lives of the plainest kinds..You bring forth our animality and creativity, which stay subdued otherwise…I thank you, and I promise you to carry on with the tradition of livening things up everytime I am in the company of like minded friends and your fine vodka.

Love,
High spirited girl :)