I find myself in the darkest of corners, and there, out of nowhere, light spreads within.
Ofcourse I try to change the people I care for. And then, again I realise it too late. A slap on my forehead, a stupid giggle and I come back to my senses. Wasted effort, wasted energy. also, spent emotions. Sigh.
Nobody changes. They do, but when they have to. Nothing you say or do makes a difference. If it does, its a silent difference. They wont let you know you have made that difference. On the outside, you will never know. And that will hurt. Almost as if it didnt matter, you didnt matter. And while it definitely did matter, you will never be told.
The friction is too much, you want to say it out loud, but ofcourse your ego holds you back. It makes sure you are silent and passive. It manages to break what you build in a matter of time. Happens everytime.
And yet, everytime, you let it happen. You dont mend your ways. ever. And then, you want the other person to change.
Huh, hypocrite.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Swimming happened!
It was as early as 5am and I was feeling sick. I wanted to sit inside the bathroom and never come out. It happens every time I start something new. Yes, swimming is new. And it was supposed to be amazing (atleast in my mind, it always has been). For two reasons; one, it was a water sport and I love lounging in water and two, it was my first bold attempt at learning something totally on my own! That was a kick alright.
So when three of my friends suddenly stirred up a swimming plan, it seemed like they were kidding at first. Of course they were. They were planning to attend classes from 5am everyday; you had to be kidding me! I haven’t seen how 5am looks like in my entire life! And how will I be going to work everyday after all that activity? Crazy.
But they were serious and went on making more and more plans. Slowly I got into it, not knowing when the fun summery plan became a distinct possibility.
Saturday saw me and one of my buddies buying swimming gear from CP. And just like that, I had invested in it. There was no looking back now.
That is the part where I sat inside the bathroom, fearing the pool, the short swimming costume, and everything in life. The friend who had the car called in sick and that left us with no option but to wait till 6am when we could get an auto.
As soon as we reached the place, (A huge and posh sports complex in South Delhi) we hurried through our forms, and in my haste I told the receptionist I would need coaching. To that, she added a grand extra to my fees (sigh) I was investing way more than I had planned and suddenly I realized with my birthday two weeks away, I wasn’t really being very wise.
Forget wise, I was really stupid, as once in the water, everyone shouted ‘sir sir’ to the only coach around as if he belonged to everyone. Turns out, he did. He didn’t have any clue who was paying extra for his instructions and so was catering to everyone who shouted a ‘sir’. My bad.
So the lesson began. Along with several kids, I was taught to breathe inside the water. The water whooshed through my ears, even after wearing a cap and I thought it would be fatal for my hearing. My buddy said it wont, its common. Ok, part two then.
I was taught to let my body float. I did it and because I wore lenses (I cant wear glasses to the pool, and I cant be without glasses as I wouldn’t see a thing! So lenses it is, with swimming goggles ofcourse) I could see a bit. Some very small leaf like things, a pubic hair I guess, a noodle like thread from something someone wore. Maybe that aunty with a lame board in her hand. She wore ugly shorts of the same colour. I tried hard not to think of my OCD, and remembered real heroes were made from tough situations like these. My fear was the all the above mentioned things, and well, I was doing a good job not thinking much of them.
The coach then told me to let go of the border and start to float a bit on my own. That took a little effort as whenever I started off, inside the water, I had visions like those in Gothika (yes, all kinds of fears I have. You would have thought the only fear one would have during swimming would be drowning or the fear of water. And that’s the only fear I do not have.) I got all scattered and gulped in a lot of water, looked like a sissy and went back to my corner. Lounged a bit and thought there could be no ghosts with this many fat Dilli ke Punjabis around me, and started afresh. Still all lopsided I kept getting and when I tried to cheat by taking tips from my friend who already knew swimming, the coach saw me from nowhere and lunged at me a fistful of water and screamed ‘baatein nahiiiiiiii’!! I was a newbie, not able to float and and now the entire pool knew that I was lounging. Felt like a backbencher.
One very cool thing I learnt however, is that I can spit out the water I gulp in by mistake in the nearest drain by just half plopping myself out of the pool! Hah! It feels all rustic and cool :P (like omkara or maybe Rambo training in the jungle) also, I know for a fact that getting tanned or not, I am going to love whatever comes next. The water is just so…exciting.
The first day ended when the hour slot rung and we were told the pool has become too dirty, so it needed to be cleaned. So, I was right, the pubic hair was a reality. Ugh.
Swimming, I do not know how soon I will learn you, and if you will totally exhaust me in a few days, but till I do, life in the pool is interesting enough to keep me busy and in a strange way, happy!
Photo courtesy:zevs.net
So when three of my friends suddenly stirred up a swimming plan, it seemed like they were kidding at first. Of course they were. They were planning to attend classes from 5am everyday; you had to be kidding me! I haven’t seen how 5am looks like in my entire life! And how will I be going to work everyday after all that activity? Crazy.
But they were serious and went on making more and more plans. Slowly I got into it, not knowing when the fun summery plan became a distinct possibility.
Saturday saw me and one of my buddies buying swimming gear from CP. And just like that, I had invested in it. There was no looking back now.
That is the part where I sat inside the bathroom, fearing the pool, the short swimming costume, and everything in life. The friend who had the car called in sick and that left us with no option but to wait till 6am when we could get an auto.
As soon as we reached the place, (A huge and posh sports complex in South Delhi) we hurried through our forms, and in my haste I told the receptionist I would need coaching. To that, she added a grand extra to my fees (sigh) I was investing way more than I had planned and suddenly I realized with my birthday two weeks away, I wasn’t really being very wise.
Forget wise, I was really stupid, as once in the water, everyone shouted ‘sir sir’ to the only coach around as if he belonged to everyone. Turns out, he did. He didn’t have any clue who was paying extra for his instructions and so was catering to everyone who shouted a ‘sir’. My bad.
So the lesson began. Along with several kids, I was taught to breathe inside the water. The water whooshed through my ears, even after wearing a cap and I thought it would be fatal for my hearing. My buddy said it wont, its common. Ok, part two then.
I was taught to let my body float. I did it and because I wore lenses (I cant wear glasses to the pool, and I cant be without glasses as I wouldn’t see a thing! So lenses it is, with swimming goggles ofcourse) I could see a bit. Some very small leaf like things, a pubic hair I guess, a noodle like thread from something someone wore. Maybe that aunty with a lame board in her hand. She wore ugly shorts of the same colour. I tried hard not to think of my OCD, and remembered real heroes were made from tough situations like these. My fear was the all the above mentioned things, and well, I was doing a good job not thinking much of them.
The coach then told me to let go of the border and start to float a bit on my own. That took a little effort as whenever I started off, inside the water, I had visions like those in Gothika (yes, all kinds of fears I have. You would have thought the only fear one would have during swimming would be drowning or the fear of water. And that’s the only fear I do not have.) I got all scattered and gulped in a lot of water, looked like a sissy and went back to my corner. Lounged a bit and thought there could be no ghosts with this many fat Dilli ke Punjabis around me, and started afresh. Still all lopsided I kept getting and when I tried to cheat by taking tips from my friend who already knew swimming, the coach saw me from nowhere and lunged at me a fistful of water and screamed ‘baatein nahiiiiiiii’!! I was a newbie, not able to float and and now the entire pool knew that I was lounging. Felt like a backbencher.
One very cool thing I learnt however, is that I can spit out the water I gulp in by mistake in the nearest drain by just half plopping myself out of the pool! Hah! It feels all rustic and cool :P (like omkara or maybe Rambo training in the jungle) also, I know for a fact that getting tanned or not, I am going to love whatever comes next. The water is just so…exciting.
The first day ended when the hour slot rung and we were told the pool has become too dirty, so it needed to be cleaned. So, I was right, the pubic hair was a reality. Ugh.
Swimming, I do not know how soon I will learn you, and if you will totally exhaust me in a few days, but till I do, life in the pool is interesting enough to keep me busy and in a strange way, happy!
Photo courtesy:zevs.net
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