Friday, June 26, 2009

Sleepy conversations!

Do you miss me?
No, I don’t. Duffer I miss you every freaking moment.
Then why on earth did we do what we did?
I guess we were acting smart, doing things to prove that there is more to us than just ‘us’.
And now we know that there isn’t?
Nope, now we know there is. Just that ‘us’ is the way we go about the rest of the things.
Hmm, interesting..
Ice tea?
Yes, I will make. You wait.
And how do you think I will have it?
Hmm, I suggest you come back just for the tea. Life can wait till morning.
Sigh, yes. By the way, I think I will come back. This just doesn’t feel right.
Really? Then you must!
Do you think we are taking a random decision, once again?
Yes, I think so. But what the heck! We are young, lets keep taking such decisions.

Then let me make a plan and come back. Then we will work out the rest of the things.
Yipee! I am letting you do something so foolish, but somehow, its not making me guilty at all!
Yes, we are behaving so OOC lately..
Out of Character!
Hehehe, yes..why do you think we are?
Love, maybe?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Surviving loneliness...

You know you realize certain things when they happen to you. Well, in the past few months, I have found out something for myself, much to my sadness. I cannot survive alone. Ya, I can hear some saintly creatures laugh out loud in their self confident manner and also some very independent women I know smirking. But that’s that.

And its not like I haven’t tried. I really have. Mom’s illness has made Dad be in the hospital for more than once and I have happily volunteered to take care of the house, promising a running household while the folks were away.

While 11pm came smoothly enough, it took a lot of courage to last till 12am. It was especially painful keeping a look out at the door for ghosts (who had nothing better to do than lurk in my house) around 2am when the eyes wanted to sleep or be donated to science. But I didn’t budge from my look out position on the couch. You see, our couch is strategically placed, it has a view of every other angle of the house, while your back is against a wall. So no chance of a ghost coming from behind. Perfect.

Managing to survive a night alone is all about strategy, especially if you are a chicken. You have to run all your errands on time, finish food, place your pet within an inch’s radius, and make your bed before you get paralysed by fear to go into other rooms in the house. Also, it is ideal if you finish your loo issues for good before retiring, and yes, do not have more water later into the night.

Tata sky is an absolute help on such days, they have an Active Darshan channel that has Sai baba from Shirdi, Siddhivinayak Ganeshji from Mumbai, Krishna from ISKCON and a God from South India whose name ends with ‘eshwar’ always live on your screen. And there are matching bhajans going on each screen, so the ghosts mainly stay at bay.

Watching movies is a good thing, but I have realized that every time I have been left alone at night, the movies coming on tv are inevitably of the creepy variety (Jaws, Psycho and some horror ones I refuse to name) That only makes living to see another day more difficult.

I make plans in my head of inviting friends for night stays, for maggi meals at home, of endless movie watching, of ordering Chinese, but well, most of the days in a week are weekdays (read dumb, I know) and people don’t really manage to participate in such plans, especially when they have work next day. So, its just me again. And my strategies, of course.

If at all, I do fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning, I am rudely awakened by the garbage man whose aim in life is to ask for kuda in the crassest voice in the earliest of hours, making it a great day to look ahead to.

So, I am awake by 6 in the morning with an hour more to go for getting up, and not knowing what to do. That is when I notice the cutest furball on earth, still lying there beside you, sleeping and snoring softly, peaceful and irrespective of the havoc created by the ghosts in my head at night.

When I pick him up and cuddle him into my covers and fall into a little nap till my alarm rings, that is the sleep fit for kings. That is one of the most beautiful things on earth.
That makes these nights worth it.

Loneliness is painful for those who don’t have a dog, I guess..

Monday, June 22, 2009

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Of hot days and depressing nights!

Had thought will update this blog everyday. Had even thought of calling it my journal (yea I know it sounds very Anne Frank, but well that’s how it works here!) but look how lazy I get. I see so many interesting people everyday and I just don’t end up writing about them. Shame on me.

Well, things have been very hectic lately. Gucci has fallen sick again and I rue the day I fell for his puppy eyes and gave him corn to eat. Its been 6 months and Gods don’t seem to be too kind to him. Of course, he heals in time, but now I live in a constant fear of you know what (cant even write it. Am shit scared.) He is a headstrong dog and he proves it time and again, but cant he just be silly and happy now? I am tired and sad about how he constantly struggles..The medicines, the madness at home is just, well..draining me.

Also, am going to Kolkata right before my birthday (no matter how sad it sounds :p ) for the simple reason that I dont want to be here all by myself. Nobody will be around, so it’s a strange orphan feeling that I want to escape. Will have a fun time with cousins and N. Or so I am hoping.

Like I always keep telling Anjali, I live on hope. Not because its cheesily optimistic, but because it is so much better in my head when I imagine things to be happy and lively, minus the hard realities of everyday. Of course, some dreams and hopeful stuff I think of are pure fantasy, but its ok. Even if they won’t happen, I wont be losing out on much. Because I will have in my head things-that-could-have-been. And that is way better than having known the mundane reality instead.

For instance, till yesterday, we didn’t have tickets for our trip. And while the whole system faltered, people thugged us by not refunding tickets that weren’t booked properly, and the family was basically in chaos, I always knew we would manage. I keep thinking we will manage. Since eternity, I live like this. Wonder if its foolish…But works for me..

Have been wishing for rain for so long now, have even written fiction about it, but nothing seems to be working. The heat makes me angrier than when KKR lost matches. This season just doesn’t seem to get better. Now that we have come to ‘my month’ hopefully things will change.

Starting with the weather.