Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy 'Hope'y Year!

Its almost time for a brand new year. But I guess a little flashback is going to be good for the system.

A lot has happened some good, some very good and well, some just about the regular fare that life dishes out. My elder sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I don’t think I can thank God enough. Also, my mom is getting steadily and slowly better from her illness and it’s a strange feeling to be able to hope again, for her I mean.

Amongst other happy things, ahem, a friend, after remaining a pretty single for 24 years has finally decided to give love a shot, and while she says its still not love, what she means is, she is going with the flow and is enjoying whatever it is. I, of course have predicted greater things…

Nandu left for UK and that was like a punch in the stomach. But trust Nandu to do things differently. There is a mail almost every week from her and the pretty lass even sent a beautiful postcard from Falmouth. It is impossible to outdo her in caring for someone. Miss her and somehow, don’t miss her at all.
Love wise, things were like a river, flowing just that much. Comfortable and a breeze. Mature I am getting, is it?
Traveled a lot and even left the country in one of my trips. Wowie!!

Time for one of those I-am-thankful and I-will-remember lists. Here goes:

•Awesome friends, I didn’t fight the whole year!
•Stepping into a more serious relationship than ever. The funniest part is, the more serious it is getting, the lighter am feeling.
•Eating to my heart’s delight, knowing the coming year maybe a very different one.
•Music, movies and theatre, I love them all.
•Traveling too much, may the streak never break.
•Things stopped hurting that much. Infact, I could even smile about some of them.
•The job still sucks, but am doing quite fine, thank you.
•MJ died, and Lisa Ray is sick. I remember spending umpteen afternoons dancing to Beat It and Afreen, couldn’t have enough of these guys. Sigh.
•Gucci and my fight for his survival. Almost like one of those dog-human movies, we beat the odds again and again. Couldn’t do it without a few people though. To them!
•Too much merry making + too much being yourself = trouble. Point noted.
•Exes make for difficult friends. Especially if they are still not over it. Point noted again.
•Twilight happened and I realized out of all the scary creatures, vampires manage to make my knees go weak. Though werewolves are my type. Period.
•Experiencing a long distance relationship. Comments reserved. All I will say, however, is that I am getting there.

So in a nutshell or a coconut shell, that was my life this year. Probably a more tame one since the last few years, but I aint complaining. Life should be wild, tame and all things nice. Here is to wishing that 2010 will be a joyride!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What's age gotta do with it?!

There was a time when I was super young. Like, really, literally young. If I ever fell in love with a sitcom actor (which I repeatedly did) I would imdb about him and wow I could see his date of birth and it was almost always four to seven years older than I was. And there on, I could dream about him. Happily.

Cut to now. Everytime I now try to imdb a new actor I like (for instance, the Twilight actors) they are always two to three years younger! And I lose my fantasy filled frenzy just like a glass of not-had Pepsi. The worst happened when this very cute actor I looked for turned out to be a 1992 born!!!! I mean, come on, who is born in the 90s?! sigh.

I have come to the conclusion that I will not imdb anymore. I didn’t realize at what point of time in life did I leave the cute cradle behind and became the cradle snatcher instead . Tcha!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

A revelation

I have since long been looking at ways to be free. It has been a long long time now. Every year, I decide, now I am this many years old. Surely, I can be free now? Or atleast freer than what I am now? And well, the kind of freedom I ache for evades me.
Now is the time though. Suddenly, its not only at sight, its very very easy even. I can see the ways to be free. I have found not one, but two such glorious ways to be so, to be content in the ‘now’, to be able to realize the bigger picture, like one would say.
I am hoping I am not lazy in its wake. I am hoping I take the best of it and become very powerful in my reality, the master of moi thoughts. It seems just around the corner now. It feels too good to be true.
But then, unlike other times, it is really, actually, true.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dil, sad titli

Feeling extremely melancholic. Its got nothing to do with affairs outside of myself, but something going on within. Have I said it enough times that I don’t like winters? Yes I am getting better at liking it and coping with it, but on days when it gets to me, I become really hopeless. People shouldn’t be such extremes. It seems like the end of the world on days like these.

The dark grey gloom that is everywhere in the sky absolutely kills the happy oxygen in my blood. Instead, something weird takes over. A longing, an unnamed thing which I want but don’t know how to get…Maybe I believe in tragedy too much. I believe in unrequited love and I totally believe that one is never the same after love has touched you.

Of course, there are different kinds of love. And you never love a different person in the same way. There is a new love, a new kind of emotion attached with a new person. But it is always different. And it’s a good thing that it is different, otherwise the comparisons would be too many to count and too difficult to overlook. It is a good thing that nothing is the same.

Everything is beautiful in its own special way. The love, the separation, the time alone, the tragedy that overwhelms you, the feeling of being on your own, and then the happiness. Each phase is beautiful, unique in itself. And it is good to know that books reflect you so totally sometimes. It makes you believe that somewhere in the world, each person is feeling one of these things, and imagining themselves to be the only one going through that. When I was lonely and sad, I thought I would die. And I thought the numbness would claim the whole of me. And now when I am happy, nothing really touches me, it’s a fleeting emotion, this everyday life. Things hurt on and off, but they don’t mess me up. But when am vulnerable, everything can attack, everything can hurt.

People around me have nothing to do with it. Not even things, situations, emotions. Its just something within, playing havoc.