Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Not just yet!

The song that played on the TV was from Dire Straits. So far away from me, so far I just cant see…She wondered why she had come to help him pack when she absolutely didn’t want him to go. Infact, the song just drove the point home. It was like begging her to react to the news.

Everybody had been asking her about how it felt to be on her own, without him in the city. She was trying to think up of answers, to sound politically correct or atleast honest. But she would give the vaguest answers like, ‘Well, one must do what one must do, its his dream, he must pursue it..’ and thought she had a winning statement.

But today was different. He indeed was leaving in the evening. And Dire Straits didn’t really help. Within a few seconds, tears rolled down her face and she knew this was the reaction people were expecting. Sniffing, she pretended to watch TV deeply when he came to the room and said, ‘Hey am almost done! But just cant find my charger..Help na..’

She didn’t answer.

‘Arre, whats up yaar? You came to help me pack? Now get up and look for…are you crying? Shit..’

He rushed to her and sat facing her. She sobbed heavily now and he kept asking her why she was crying (As if he didn’t really know). She now started crying and talking at the same time and told him how life was unfair, how being strong and letting him go was the stupidest thing ever, how she would leave the city and look for a job elsewhere just so that she could get back at people who left her…

‘You don’t want me to go today? Or anyday?’ he asked her in a voice that was almost like a man giving candy to a pre schooler.

She wondered. Go, he must. People shouldn’t be asked to stay just so that you are happy, people should live their dreams even if they may fail, there should be the knowing that they atleast tried. Life should not have regrets. We live just once and we must follow our passion. He had to pursue his, and as his lover, she was supposed to understand.

‘No you leave today. I had to end up crying I guess. Thought could handle it, but apparently, I cant. So go..’

He kissed her and got up to make a call. Came back and said, ‘Ok am not going today. Another week! And I will do it every time your nose runs like that when you cry!'

She was now smiling through her tears. He wanted to conquer the world, but as of now, things could wait. The world was here, in this moment..

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A letter to the Vodka God!

Dear Mr. Smirnoff,
I am writing this letter to you after deep thought (and after feeling steadier since all that merry making). In the past, there have been other moments when I have thought of communicating all these things I feel with you, but at no time has the urge been so very much.
Actually, the main reason I wanted to write to you was for congratulating you for making such a wonderful thing as your branded vodka. I need to tell you that other than love, vodka is the only other thing that makes me feel this way. There are a few things I have realized while partying last Saturday with some of my friends and your fine drinks.

Yes, a dazzling, glazed effect takes place. Without an effort, I can tell the jerk he is a jerk and tell the cute guy that he is cute. Also, a slur develops, hence no words come out as words. They are all songs. I can sing, ‘I want to eeeeeat now..’ and everyone scampers to get the poor damsel a plate.
The mechanics of the body do not remain linear. Cant walk straight for the life of me. However, walking haphazard is fun too. You can dance with everyone because you cant stay in one place too long! Just that I hate the part when I ride on someone’s foot or vice versa!
There is this happiness. I don’t know where it comes from. It possibly couldn’t be because of things happening in my life because they are, well, just too real, if you know what I mean..So this happiness is almost surreal, out of the world. I even smile at people I hate..
The foodie even forgets about food…I can stay for long hours without eating, just keep bringing the drinks..
You even cry..You tend to get over emotional and cry when you try to speak of things that hold meaning in your life…You cry for friendships lost, you cry for love lost, you basically cry for everything remotely hurting you…
When I get back home, I feel like having gallons of water, I feel totally parched and rummaging through the fridge for cold water only makes my parents more suspicious..They wonder if the swagger and the thirst for plain water add up to something fishy..But I tell them clearly, ‘I am not drunk if that’s what you are thinking Dad!’
Sleepless nights. I just don’t seem to get a good sleep thereafter, the night becomes one big cassette that keeps rewinding and forwarding the entire time I was partying and being merry. Who said you sleep like a log when you are drunk??
Hunger strikes around 3am on an average. And on that given moment, I can get up and look for food even without my glasses! Talk about superpowers! So ya, Mr. Smirnoff, your drink is almost like amrit in this regard…However, cant get the right food or eat, as my folks (esp my imsomniac Ma) will find it just a wee bit suspicious..again.
The next day is what you call a ‘passing phase’…this day was created so that people like us can get back to their two feet, and start feeling worthy of doing other things like watching TV, sharing normal conversations with the family etc..This day is best suited to be a Sunday…Also, friends start calling, from the noon time though, to tell you things you did last night, to share the humiliation with you..You feel no shame with these friends, cos they are in it with you…

In all, Mr.Smirnoff, life is a whole deal better for the beverage you produce. If it wasn’t for vodka, we would just be slaves working in huge companies and living lives of the plainest kinds..You bring forth our animality and creativity, which stay subdued otherwise…I thank you, and I promise you to carry on with the tradition of livening things up everytime I am in the company of like minded friends and your fine vodka.

High spirited girl :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

Laziness is thy name!

Mintu has gone to the North-East to spend a blissful week with folks. She will be getting me tons of hilly dog pictures, and apparently momos too (but I doubt I will be having them, incase she is not kidding about getting such a perishable item from so far)So I am all on my own in the office. Not totally alone, there is Sing Song but I am really better off.

So many things I plan out for the weekend, but end up doing just about one fourth of all that. I am a shame in the name of the once OCD freak that I was. Used to place things in neat angles, and wash hands after I spoke to someone I didn't like. Now, I pretend it’s alright in any case and go about life. And the one that suffers is me own self. While objects and material possessions are still taken good care of, I am not doing a lot of things I should be actually. Meeting up friends is the worst hit in the schedule.

When the weekend approaches, I am raring to go with twenty plans in my head. I want to meet each and every friend of mine. Come Saturday and Sunday, and I end up doing chores at home and then watching a new movie from my pen drive. Then watching IPL also is quite an addiction, Lalit Modi, you really shouldn't have.. and finally surrendering to the Monday that lies ahead. Oh why!? Why do I don't go out and revel in the outside sun a bit? Why don't I meet up friends (who will soon be called ex-friends if I don't buck up) What is it that makes me so bloody laid back!? Ofcourse, there is work at home lately and I cant complain about that, but what there after?

I need to jot down points in favour of and against my laziness. Argh!
In favor:
I get to while away time
Time with Gucci at home
No physical work
No heat or dust or dreaded public transport
Less temptations regarding food

A lot of malls have opened
Friends buy new stuff (and I don't)
You get momos outside only!
Might have no friends left soon!

So yeah, it seems balanced as of now..Will have to delve deeper to get my priorities further straightened up..As of now, the scales seem fine..
Its time for another weekend..tsk tsk..

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Being 'friends'

Well, the fact that Kolkata is losing every other match doesn't help. It is also very hot. So I cant even emote (read cry) because I sweat like mad. Disgruntled, I go for philosophical meetings and am asked why I stay serious. Now, being serious is really not my domain. So I must really be looking horrible if I give the idea that am serious. So I have decided I need to go to the beauty parlour a little more religiously. Women gotta do what women gotta do. After didi left India, it seems I have given up the idea of going to the parlour altogether. Even the parlour staff grin and chuckle when I enter nowadays. Having a fashion conscious didi had more advantages than I thought..

So, met this school friend (who has stayed a friend since then, only that I haven't spoken to her in between for a couple of years) in my Buddhism meets, and well, she hasn't changed. Over the edge, hyper and jumping words, sentences and everything else. Laughing before the joke gets over, guessing about a relationship before its happened and gossiping before the news is even out, all this and more. You would understand if someone would want to maintain his or her distance from her. While I have tried, being a school friend has only meant that there is no escape. Common friends, good ol' school days and now Buddhism, I have succumbed.

Have to meet her daily now, and she does a weird thing. She doesn't speak to me when I am physically present, but smses me as soon as I get back home. Also chats on gtalk and mails and phones. Today, I had to ask. "Why don't you talk in person?"
She tells me, "Am scared, I might say something, and you might make fun of me or hurt me in front of others. Remember how you bashed me up for gossiping about you three years back? So I measure myself before you."

So, I basically don’t feel good about myself right now. Though I know I bashed her up for the right reasons, I didn’t know it would make that big an impact in her life. I guess some are born with confidence while some are just not. And it is sad sometimes being superior or whatever it is that I am according to her, while she is such a sheep.

Tomorrow, we are doing a skit together where we are playing friends. I really hope it translates into real life. Or well, we will remain what we are now. Sad examples of friends.