Monday, March 22, 2010

Your average IPL night...

Him-Why did you switch off your phone?
Her-Umm, just like that. I was getting a lot of messages, got bugged.
Him-What messages?
Her-Kolkata lost, so all my ‘good’ friends didn’t miss the chance to flaunt that.
Him-So you switch off the phone? You know I call around this time..
Her-You are obsessed with Mumbai Indians. What makes you think talking to you will make me feel any better right now?
Him-Yaar, I support Mumbai for Sachin. Tendulkar is God. You know if I had to be a fan, I would only be Sachin’s. And I am.
Her-Half the world is. What so cool about that?
Him-Excuse me? Are you telling me being a Sachin fan is a bad thing?
Her-Am just saying being a Sachin fan is a safe thing. I mean everybody on planet earth knows he is demigod, he is a legend. Being his fan is herd mentality.
Him-And being a Dada fan makes you what? Unique?
Her-No, but he is one hell of a fighter. You cant put him down. He just keeps getting knocked out and he just comes back better. Falls again, rises again. Killer guy.
Him-He is old. He should just quit. He falls too bloody often.
Her-He has been the most successful Indian captain of all times, Sachin can never be a good captain. He can never instill the killer attitude Ganguly put in the kids like Bhajji, Yuvraj, Zaheer. Why don’t you except the fact that certain people are meant to do certain things? Ganguly is meant to lead a team, teach us about rising from the ashes. Sachin is meant to be an extremely successful, extremely boring cricketer to watch.
Him-Woah! You are on fire! Its okay, chill. Kolkata has lost again. Probably you should choose a different team. Will get to hear your laughter a little more often then.
Her-*Sigh* Lets just go to sleep. Am tired.
Him-Darn it! Cricket does this everytime! You end up fighting with me because of your stupid Dada!
Her-Hey! Am not fighting! And if you have noticed how these conversations go, then why not be careful next time on?
Him-You know what? Talking tomorrow is a good idea. You take care.

There are some places in your being where only you are allowed to be. Nobody, not even your beloved, can make an entry there. And because of the same reason, its better to go quiet sometimes. Because you cant explain. Because you cant reason. Because, you feel you are not being understood and you never will be. Because, on the other side of the fence, the other person is just as zapped. He is trying to figure you out just as much as you are trying to sort out that place in your system. And mostly, the ends don’t meet. Because mostly, the causes are not really worth fighting for.

But then, that is madness. What is great to you is silly to me. What is the world to me, is maybe a speck in the sand for you. Cant beat you, cant blame you.

That’s how life swings.

Friday, March 12, 2010

never mind

am terribly blah. cant beat my blahness. feel like havent slept in ages. and people at work are so lame, not all, not the ones who are my friends, but mostly. i am tired.

my close buddies who called off their wedding are now gettin married. and am not going. yes, i feel so burnt out and used that my heart is just not in it. so while everyone else will be going and be remembered as true friends for decades and decades to go, i, the only one who patiently heard them both out, even let myself be used in the process, have been left out and will always be scarred for not attending the wedding. it sucks totally.

but i cant attend it still. my heart is really not in it. even the reception, well, let me think. i have two days to go for that one.actually, wish i could just be socially immune for a while.planet earth sucks.except for dogs.

Friday, March 5, 2010


She kept chanting to herself that day in the bathroom and washed her clothes vigorously. Yes, she could see it coming back but couldn't let it. It was not supposed to effect her that way again. She could fight it this time.

Too lame life had become, a job with a profile that made no sense, money that whooshed past every bloody month, a future that was chaotic, and relationships that threatened to become full fledged messy affairs if she didn’t pay notice. It was all too much..

A pack of noodles could help. Dressing up in her warm loose clothes that made her sing 'aal izz well' inside her heart, she went and put some water in a pan. Then she looked for a pen and a sheet of paper and started to scribble impatiently. Like if she stopped, the thoughts would jumble up and the words would come all together and become a line of unreadable gibberish that was becoming her life.

She put in the packet of spices into the boiling water and then retrieved it, half burning her fingers. This would be alright. Everything would be. She just needed work, some work, any work. She cracked the egg and poured it into the pan and randomly stirred it with a spoon. Not the kind of noodles her mom would approve of. But the kind she would have anyway.

The aroma brought back some sanity. She knew what was to be done. She just didn’t know how long it would take till some support came by. A signal, that yes, she was going the right way. She was walking a path that had a single broken, faded milestone and she had to bend down on both knees and scratch the surface to know how much more she had to walk to reach where she was headed.

Ten years back, she had dreams. When she would hit this age, she would be 'here'. And now, that 'here' seemed nowhere in sight. What was there, was a lot of things she hadn't foreseen.

Putting the noodles in a plate, she took a mouthful and burnt her tongue immediately. Like a sign from someone powerful up there, a sign that read 'take it slow or you'll burn down'.

Slow.Easy.Gradual. Things that never came naturally to her. A character attribute she had to build and was nowhere close to have achieved. And till she attained those virtues, everything about life was about lessons, it seemed.

To learn what love is, have a heartbreak first.
To know money, don’t have it at first.
To know what character is, lose it on your way to true love first.
To know sacred friendship of those few dear ones, fail a hundred times first.
To know what success is, slug it out first.

Life is a bitch.

She felt full after all the noodle eating and felt calmer.

Maybe food was the answer to everything.