Thursday, April 18, 2013

the 'level' theory

its been a while since i blogged (why do i keep starting with this line. i must be really bad at committing myself to anything.) was reading a very nice blog by a fellow Indian. his life, issues and thoughts are mostly similar. and there is this one thing that drove home while reading many of his posts. it is what i call the 'level' theory.

but first, the background. at work, i have been undergoing a transformation of sorts. to bring you up to date, i am now left with no friends. let me rephrase that- i dont have the friends i had made initially. the reassuring factor that i had felt was actually hogwash and today, a printout of us three in our Diwali special sarees is just plain ol' irony. even more unfortunate is the fact that i dont know what happened. they just drifted apart or chose to start ignoring me post something ( i dont know that something because i didnt cause it). they hang out without me now, go past me and lounge in the corner i discovered for the three of us once, and basically do all things that are sharp contrasts to how we behaved a few months back.

but life, you know is a phenomena of habit and just like that, being on my own has become a habit too. i still call this a new city, i still call its people strangers, so it is obvious that i havent grown remarkably fond of this workplace either. their change doesnt effect me, simply because i never held them indispensable ever.

so coming back to the 'level' theory. we all make friends in life, some for short term, some for a very long term, some apparently 'forever'. during all of this, with some, we hit it off, what we call chemistry or what i call our 'levels' just match. there is no discomfort, no awkward waiting for acceptance, no minding your language, it just flows. like a beautifully made rum and coke, it runs through your veins like it was meant to be. these friends are perfect, you dont need words or thoughts to explain why they fit. but they dont come along a lot, there are just a few like these.

gradually, or by the time you are 'ahem' 27, you dont feel like making friends anymore. starting conversations, smiling at the same things and then furtively trying to see if this new prospective friend laughed too, if your favourite colours match, phew. too much hard work i say. i cannot say 'really? yeah, me too!' anymore. atleast not as animatedly as i used to a few years back. so now, it is only natural that we end up making friends with those who come closest to matching that 'level'. some hardly match, but are at the lowest rung of that level, and we are okay with that too. they say the speed of a team is determined by the slowest guy. so likewise, the person who gets even a little of your 'level' is fine, he can be called a friend. so at work, i havent really lost friends, i have just fired the slowest guy in my team :P

but jokes apart, the level does exist, its a real thing. and i for one, am kind of weary about new people. i would like to be around my friends, the ones i left behind. because you see, i did get lucky in life, my level had met its people. but i am just so far away now.