pangs

Everyday, I feel the pinch of death. Being absolutely, irrevocably in love with the canines of the world, my heart cries a little everyday. Maybe I did not notice it in the capital, maybe I was too naive or maybe, the phenomenon is more here in this city. But the truth is, I see a dead animal almost everyday.

Cant speak much about humans, they have never held a spell on me, if anything, I am getting ever more disillusioned when it comes to the ways of the human world. But this world I know, the kind hearted, warm, fuzzy, all-ABOUT-love world of dogs.

I used to feed a mommy, daddy and 3 lil ones, would bring them up to play with Gucci. Found the mommy hoarding a dead one the other day. She looked quite mental from a distance and I didnt go near. Then, a few weeks later, I saw just one tailing the mommy and I knew what had happened. It has now been a good two months and the last pup has grown strong and teenagey big. I give it Gujju food and it waits till I leave to accept it. At nights, all 3 come to my car, wag their tails, the daddy plays a lot, the mommy is weary and the kid is well, a single kid, healthy, happy and very noisy, taking on my Gucci as if there was a contest there.

This Sunday, I saw a mid sized dog lying at the other side of our building. On my way to the office, I kept wondering which one was this, had I ever petted it? Saw a brand new litter of 5 white puppies, shining in the Gujarat sun and felt better immediately.
Last night, we were eating donuts and discussing how the daddy dog whines when he sees me. N called it gay. Suddenly. with a start, I realised that we hadnt seen the baby for a few days now! With absolute and confirmed dejection, I realised that dead puppy I had seen the other day, was it. He was growing up and had starting venturing further out. We both became quiet and felt pangs of death. This puppy was literally growing up in front of our eyes, a fantastic little creature. And it took me 5 days to understand he had died.

I dont know why I am writing something so personal here, I dont want advise to be strong or to grow up. But it just hurts really badly. These animals are bundles of joy to say the least. They eat crap, stay dirty and yet, have a bounce which we with our money and cars dont have. And yet, every time, every frikkin time, their fate is sealed. Unfair, destiny, whatever, I just feel disappointed in life.
And the pain never leaves.