It was pouring cats and dogs that day. So much so, the maid hadn’t come in, the house was a mess, and the leave she took just like that, ended up being just that, a leave from every thing. Not that she had plans to move around the house even. She had decided to mope around endlessly, and take breaks only if a good movie was coming on the telly. Charlie and the chocolate factory managed to make her smile, though only till the movie played.
She was back to being retrospective, almost sad. She couldn’t put a finger to as to why this was happening now. And what was the reason this time. The rain thrashed her windows and scared her a little. Maybe the solitude she was asking for was coming with a price. Maybe everyone was getting used to not seeing her and talking to her enough to forget about her. Or worse, move on without her.
She wanted to be there, in the midst of it all, but then again, she had hardly known anything for sure all her life. Decisions were planted on her path, saner, wiser people always told her what to do best, she had always listened anyway. Not because she agreed, but she couldn’t decide on her own. It was a pain and it could only be understood if it happened to you, she thought. This feeling could not be shared, ever. Not even with your beloved.
Music is a good friend. An unknown person hums a song with words that caress your solitude and agree to your mood. You literally feel like saying ‘yes, you got me’ to the song, and it’s a relief to not have to converse with the song. Monologues work well.
This scene has played itself time and again in her life. In school, in college, and now when she was old. When people say they change, do they mean they start behaving in the same situations differently? Or is that some situations keep coming back to you in life, and you cannot change a thing about them. The helplessness then is the helplessness now.
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