Dil, sad titli

Feeling extremely melancholic. Its got nothing to do with affairs outside of myself, but something going on within. Have I said it enough times that I don’t like winters? Yes I am getting better at liking it and coping with it, but on days when it gets to me, I become really hopeless. People shouldn’t be such extremes. It seems like the end of the world on days like these.

The dark grey gloom that is everywhere in the sky absolutely kills the happy oxygen in my blood. Instead, something weird takes over. A longing, an unnamed thing which I want but don’t know how to get…Maybe I believe in tragedy too much. I believe in unrequited love and I totally believe that one is never the same after love has touched you.

Of course, there are different kinds of love. And you never love a different person in the same way. There is a new love, a new kind of emotion attached with a new person. But it is always different. And it’s a good thing that it is different, otherwise the comparisons would be too many to count and too difficult to overlook. It is a good thing that nothing is the same.

Everything is beautiful in its own special way. The love, the separation, the time alone, the tragedy that overwhelms you, the feeling of being on your own, and then the happiness. Each phase is beautiful, unique in itself. And it is good to know that books reflect you so totally sometimes. It makes you believe that somewhere in the world, each person is feeling one of these things, and imagining themselves to be the only one going through that. When I was lonely and sad, I thought I would die. And I thought the numbness would claim the whole of me. And now when I am happy, nothing really touches me, it’s a fleeting emotion, this everyday life. Things hurt on and off, but they don’t mess me up. But when am vulnerable, everything can attack, everything can hurt.

People around me have nothing to do with it. Not even things, situations, emotions. Its just something within, playing havoc.