heart to heart with self

Why am I still following Twilight so closely? I think its got something to do with the fact that Taylor Lautner made me discover sexual fantasies for the first time in life. Now I know what SRK meant when he said ‘kuch kuch hota hai Anjali, tum nahi samjhogi.’

Have been listening to too much music, its mainly a ploy of drowning the office talks behind me. I was asked to fill my KRA form yesterday, but I couldn’t care lesser. I have got the nickname of ‘Ms.Dreamy’ at work. I never thought yeh din bhi aayega. See what a stiff, professional set up can do to a jolly kid. The system has got to me, too bad.

Why do I still eat pizza? I hate it. I leave out the crust, eat up the toppings, so who am I kidding? And you know what I hate more? Pizzas gone cold. Ugh. Must.make.note.

Vodka, I have loved you all these years and the relationship has had its ‘highs’ and lows. However, its time to let go. I have discovered I like rum more. Its sweet and makes me warm faster than you do. So, this year, am not meeting you too often. That’s the best thing anyway when a relationship ends, eh. But we had a good time.

I shall be online less. A buddy realized that day she was talking to me more than we were seeing each other. Another friend asked me out for a movie and when I said its too cold, we both read reviews of the film online and never went for it anyway. I get asked for parties on fb events from people who stay in the next block. And there are surprises too. An old old admirer finds me on fb, talks to me in the inbox (not in public, mind you) and sends me congratulatory messages and calls me wise since the Café Red Brick days (I want to tell him no, I still smoke, I still hang out with boys and I still haven’t really become too wise but anyway) but but, when he sees me on the road, he does not talk! Hah! Too much of baggage I guess. I understand. I don’t necessarily relate.

So yeah, all this online business is making me a little cranky. Maybe I should be more ‘in person’ and less in pictures. Who knows? Time will tell if this I can do.

I have come out in the open about my hatred towards winters. Nah, no personal vendetta but I hate wearing 20 items of clothing. Its just uncomfortable. And to say nothing of what those caps do to my beautiful hair.

I will dream more. I know I cant tell my subconscious mind to dream more but I have to find a way. My friends keep telling me about all these dreams they see while I just chant to sleep or end up having a song in my head which I even wake up singing. This morning, I woke up saying to myself, ‘Time is essential.’ Wtf! Why am I getting up with spiritual lecture? I have to dream more, and not be so random.

Oh, and I hate that person. Am going for a movie today but I know I will be indifferent and even cold to that person because I cant fake it. Had said yes to the movie before I had realized its hatred I feel for that person, so now I cant back out of the movie. But yeah, will want to have no more of that person in my mind or life. Just saw through the utter hogwash now. Point to self again: Please be sensible sometimes. Remember, the book, the cover, the phrase along those lines?

I have been typing away this furiously for the first time in ages, I think its also because it makes me feel less colder. Well, the good movie with the stupid person awaits me. So does a bit of other things.

PS-Last year, this day, a lot happened. I feel stronger but lonelier a kid. I hope you are listening Didu. Love